One Moment with God
When we were in Melbourne last month, I sat and wrote a blog about being pregnant and having a baby. I chose not to post it because, to be honest, it was pretty negative. I came to the point where I realised after writing the blog that, fear is so ugly, but focus is powerful.
I had to change my focus to something positive and for me, that was Piper and how she will be such an amazing big sister, how she loves my little baby bump and I have to remind myself of those moments when fear overwhelms me.
I was absolutely terrified of having a baby. The first 12 weeks was clouded by the fear of losing the baby. Then it was the fear of the baby not being healthy. Would this baby be able to eat? Could I possibily be having another child with special needs? My Thyroid was removed after Piper, what effect will that have? The list of fears seemed to be growing as the pregnancy went on. I wasn’t excited, let’s just say that. Every time someone congratulated me, I felt like they were more excited than me! I would smile and say “I know, so exciting” but deep down I wasn’t allowing myself to feel excited because I was petrified. I wasn’t letting it sink it.
I broke down and cried at my twelve week appointment. I had been to this Doctor surgery countless times since being pregnant and having Piper, but going in there, this time being pregnant brought so much anxiety back. I couldn’t hold back the tears. Did I mention I was afraid?
I had nights of utter despair crying out to God. “I’m so scared”. “God help me to enjoy this”, “God please let this baby be able to eat”. I laid out all of my requests, my pain and my fears before him but not much seemed to shift.
At 18 weeks pregnant, I still felt a kind of numbness to what was growing inside of me. Josh and I spent a weekend at a Church conference around that time and it was at the end of worship, in this simple moment, one moment, one moment with God, where He kept whispering to me, “I hear the cry of your heart”, over and over “I hear the cry of your heart”. A voice inside of me whispered to my soul as I sat and cried, “I hear the cry of your heart”. I knew this was a God moment.
Ever since then, I honestly haven’t felt fearful. Even when we went for our 20 week scan, I wasn’t afraid because God had reminded me it’s okay. I haven’t felt anxious since, its actually the opposite. Now, I am so excited to welcome another little girl into this world. I have decided against getting genetic testing, because I am trusting that God is in control, and whatever happens, I know I’ll be okay.
So be encouraged, I know it seems almost insignificant, but I can tell you, just one moment with God can change everything. Maybe right now, I could remind you that God is with you. He hears the cry of your heart, He hears your weeping, He hears your prayers so keep making them known to Him and in His perfect timing, in that one moment, He will remind you, He’s got you.
“The Lord hears his people when they call to him for help. He rescues them from all their troubles.
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
The righteous person faces many troubles, but the Lord comes to the rescue each time.”
– Psalm 34:17-19